Size Matters: Teaser chapter
by Mario Oka
Summary: teaser chapter for a fan fic im thinking about doing


**I'm writing a romance, fanfic of link and navi… Yea yea, a lot of people hate her, but give her a break. I bet the first time you played the game, every hint she gave was gold…replaying it, I'd want to punch her. This entire fanfic will be filled to the brim with 7-up…the cheap kind that has more lemon than lime…but don't worry, the lime is bountiful, it's the innuendos and smutty smutty lemon scenes that will make most of the book. As with all my stories, I will have a plot, not just a meet and fuck, so if you think this is just going to be lemon, your dead wrong. Although in this hyrule, every girl is a slut, so there is a bounty to behold. **

Size Matters

_Finally, the boy is old enough to accept his destiny. I thought the day would never come, the rate the Great Deku Tree was going, I'd have thought the boy would be grown before he even figured out the truth. Sometimes I really thing that tree has a few too many nuts in that thick skull of _*YIPE*

Navi had ran into the fence and shook her head to clear the daze. Quickly flying through the opening in the fence and into the house of "the boy without a fairy," Navi lets out a gentle sigh. No matter how angry she was at anyone, the sight of a sleeping child always made her smile…so innocent, so peaceful…so…hard?

"wow, he really is destined to be the hero" commented navi, floating over to the snoring child and taking a seat on the precipice of the mountain of blanket that covered the boy's morning wood. After a bit of waiting, the boy seemed to stir, stretching and throwing the covers off him. Navi was flung off the bed and into a pile of clothes. The boy had gone into the bathroom, the shower being heard and then the heated bellows dried off the water…then silence. Navi guessed it as normal bathroom use, but after half an hour, navi got worried.

_Jeeze, he didn't even know I was here and he's already in trouble._ Navi thinks, flying in through the hole on the door, for ventilation. Immediately she was plastered with a thick, milky white fluid, making her squeal in fright and anger. The boy looked up and jumped back, his face flushed from the recent climax.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" shouted navi, flying right in the boy's face and grabbed his mouth, scowling?

"Well, you should have knocked, I probably wouldn't have done this to you if you knocked!" the boy says, pulling from the fairies grasp.

Navi crosses her arms and sighs, sucking her fingers off.

"well, you're just lucky that I'm not grossed out about this delicious stuff, if I was, destiny or not, you'd be dead." Navi started towards the door "mmm *slurp* get dressed, the *num* great deku tree *gulp* wants to see you." The whole while, navi was happily cleaning herself off, leaving the boy in shock. One, he was never called in by the great deku tree. Two, he just received a fairy!

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Walking into the clearing of the great deku tree navi was still eating, now instead of herself, it was an icecream cone, as well as link.

*snirk, snore* "huh, what…oh there you are, I fell the fuck asleep cause you took so long…did you do as I asked?" the deku tree asked, tilting his head…as much as a tree could. Navi sighed and nodded, pulling a lon lon vanilla cone from her magic bag and flying towards the great deku tree. The tree opened his large mouth and consumed the cone.

"HEY, COOL!" link shouted, dashing into the great deku tree's mouth. Navi and the great deku tree were surprised.

"I didn't think he'd do it" navi said, looking shocked

"well, he is a bit daft when it comes to danger…that's why he will be the hero. He doesn't comprehend self-endangerment, only the safety of others. His fear for himself is nonexistent…let's just hope it doesn't lead to him getting killed."

Navi nodded and flew into the great deku tree's mouth, following link. Once she caught up to the boy, he has beating the shit out of a deku scrub. He must have been running, because link's knees had dirt and scrapes, as if he fell down.

"you little liar, you said I wouldn't get hurt if I rolled after a jump!" link shouted as he shoved deku nuts into the mouth of the scrub. The little scrub was laughing and spitting the seeds back onto the floor

"oh god, I can't believe you fell for that, you're so stupid." The scrub laughed, and ended up passing out from the loss of oxygen…from laughter…link wasn't really hurting the scrub enough to kill he thing.

Standing up, link wipes his brow, smiling up to navi.

"I got the thingy…but I don't know what it's called. But I am proud to say that I have not yet shot my eye out." Link holds out the slingshot, navi laughing to herself. She remembered when the great deku tree thought that a skull kid was actually a candy bar, and ate him…I guess he never got out, or at least forgot his slingshot.

"well, now that you have that, I'm going to tell you one time only. When you jump, look for soft stuff, not rolling…that's just stupid."

Link looked overjoyed and dashed out of the room. Navi chased after him only to see the kid sump off the highest platform available. Navi cringed, but never heard the splat. Puzzled, she looked down and saw that link had broken through the web in the center of the tree.

"oh…I guess he isn't so stupid after all."

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Materializing out of the belly of the great deku tree, link notices there were a lot more leaves on the ground than when he went into the tree.

"umm, navi, whats wrong with the great deku tree?" he asks, seeing the leaves start to fall.

Navi sighs "he's dying link…the curse you defeated as already too far along to help…"

Link looked confused "curse? What curse?"

Navi paused a bit "the giant fucking spider you just killed!"

Link smiled, getting what happened "I thought that was just a giant spider" he then realizes he shouldn't be smiling…

"l-link, th-thank you for wiping your….feet" the deku tree said before dying, leaving the two in shock.

"I guess he was a senile old tree…" navi says, link just staring in disbelief.

"where's my fucking stone!"

**And that my friends, is the biggest troll I will ever give out. The navixlink fanfic will happen, just not now. Im still doing malink, so be patient.**


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